Gibbs is Magic!
by Oxymoronic Alliteration
Summary: Crack!Fic: McGee doesn't know how to tell Gibbs that his the lovely gift just isn't functional. Written for the NFA Community Feel the Wood Challenge


Disclaimer: _NCIS_ and all of its characters are the property of CBS.

* * *

Special Agent Timothy McGee looked at the very large gift box that his boss, Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, had just placed atop his desk. Tim was very confused by a couple of things. First, he wasn't sure why he was being given this gift. It wasn't his birthday and he was almost certain it was neither a major nor a minor holiday of any other kind. Second, Gibbs wasn't the type to give gifts, especially for no reason. Third, Gibbs didn't smile much, especially not the way that he was smiling at Tim right at the moment.

"Thank you, boss?" Tim said uncertainly. "What is it?"

"Well you'll have to open it, McGee!" Gibbs said, smile still intact.

Tim tentatively pulled off the large blue ribbon that was wrapped around the box and opened it. Inside was a wooden cube of some sort. "Oh…thank you for the…uh…for this." Tim reached in and lifted the object, grunting at the weight of it. He managed to plop it down on his desk and got a good look at it. It was a wooden box with one side open. That side was covered by a slab of glass. He was about to bite the bullet and ask what it was when he caught sight of more in the box. He pulled out a rectangular slab of wood and saw that letters, numbers, punctuation marks, and other various characters had been carved into the wood. In fact, it looked suspiciously like…

"Boss, is this supposed to be a keyboard?"

"Supposed to be?" Gibbs asked, his brow furrowing, though still smiling. "It _is_ a keyboard! How else are you supposed to type on your new computer?" he said with a laugh, patting the large wooden cube.

Tim suddenly took on a "deer-in-headlights" look as his eyes flickered back and forth between his gift and its giver. "My new _computer_? Boss, I know you're not exactly tech-savvy, but you can't possibly expect me to…to actually _use_ this!"

The next few seconds were like something out of _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_. Gibbs' smile disappeared, replaced by a growl, his eyes dark and hard. His face grew red and one could practically see steam blowing out of his ears. "Are you saying you don't like my gift, McGee? Of all the ungrateful responses I've seen! What if I told you I destroyed my boat and used the wood to make you this computer? Would you be a bit more appreciative then, McGee?"

The young field agent cowered in his seat, his hands clenching the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were turning white. "N-no, sir. I mean, yes sir! I mean…I love it…" Tim gulped, hoping his answer appeased the enraged former Marine sniper.

With that, Gibbs was all smiles once again. "Well you're welcome, McGee. I'm glad you like it." Tim breathed a sigh of relief. "I guess you won't need your old one anymore, since you've got this one now!" Gibbs exclaimed. He grabbed the computer monitor from Tim's desk and yanked it harshly. An array of cords snapped violently from their outlets.

Tim gave a strangled cry as he watched his computer—his beautiful computer!—smash as Gibbs dropped it in a waste basket. The sound of shattering and snapping plastic drove out any hope that his computer was safe and would still be usable.

"Now get to work," Gibbs said as he left the bullpen.

Tim looked at the "computer" that was now positioned on his desk. How the heck was he supposed to handle this?

* * *

"Sup, Probster?" Tony called to Tim as he and Ziva returned from interviewing the family of Petty Officer James Davenport, the man who had been found dead the day before. Since Gibbs had left, Tim had remained in his seat, staring at the wooden cube. He had gotten so desperate at one point that he started tapping his fingers against the carvings of the "keyboard" on the off chance that something may actually happen. So far nothing.

"What is that, McGee," Ziva asked as she examined the new computer. "Where is your computer?"

"This _is_ my computer, Ziva," Tim explained with a grimace. "It's the new computer that Gibbs made for me."

"Since when does Gibbs know how to build computers?"

"Since when does Gibbs know _anything_ about computers?" Tony asked with a laugh. "Seriously, McChucklehead, grab your real computer and get to work. We need you to trace a phone number."

"I _am_ being serious, Tony! Gibbs threw my computer into the trash bin," Tim responded. "Go take a look if you don't believe me."

Both Tony and Ziva peered into the trash bin. Ziva let out a low whistle. "You will not be using that again anytime soon."

"I don't know what to do! When I tried to explain to him that I couldn't use this he blew up!"

"Well, you need to suck it up, McGoogle, and tell him before this case goes cold," Tony chided.

"Suck it up and tell who?" Abby came around the corner, Caf-Pow in hand.

"Tell Gibbs that his…er…_lovely_ gift just is not as functional as McGee needs it to be," Ziva explained.

"Gibbs gave you a gift?" Abby squealed. "That's a really good sign! It means he's beginning to like you."

"But…he's never given _me_ a gift," Tony said with a frown.

"Exactly," Abby said before turning back to Tim. "You cannot reject the gift! If you do you'll never get on Gibbs' good side."

"I'm not rejecting it…exactly," Tim told her. "But he can't really expect me to do work on this thing."

The elevator dinged and the four of them turned to see Gibbs step off the elevator. "How is it coming?" he asked as he sat down at his desk.

"We talked to Davenport's family. His sister said he'd had a blonde woman over at his place a couple nights a week for the past three weeks. She doesn't have a name, but she had assumed the woman was a girlfriend," Tony said.

"I didn't get a hit on any of the prints we lifted, but I did find small amounts of cocaine on Davenport's clothing and on the floor of his car." Abby chimed in.

Gibbs nodded before turning his attention to Tim. "What have you got, McGee?"

"I…well…um…" Tim stammered as his boss and colleagues stared at him.

"McGee, what have you found? Spit it out!"

"Boss, I can't use this computer!" There was a stunned silence as Tim studied Gibbs' face. "I mean…I _want_ to use it, but it's just not working for me. You can even come see for yourself." Gibbs slowly stood and stalked around the side of Tim's desk. Tim "pushed" the "button" that read "power" and waited. "See? Nothing happens," Tim said not daring to look Gibbs in the eye.

There was a moment of tense silence as Tim held his breath, preparing himself for the worst. Surprisingly, Gibbs just smiled. "Well, of course nothing is happening, McGee!" Gibbs walked around to the other side of the desk. "It's not plugged in." Gibbs picked up the cord that was hanging out of the wooden computer and plugged it into the nearest outlet. He then returned to Tim's side of the desk and tapped the power button.

Tim's eyes widened as the wooden computer came to life, images and words appearing on the screen. "How…?"

Gibbs laughed shaking his head. "And _I'm_ the one who knows nothing about computers," he said as he strolled out of the bullpen.

Tim, his eyes wide and his mouth agape, looked up at the three people who stood around his desk. "THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR THIS!"

"Timothy," Abby scolded in a mocking tone, "I've told you before: Gibbs is magic!"


End file.
